Welcome to My Blog

As the title suggests, I will be telling stories and expressing my varying opinions. And yes, they may be offensive. Not offensive in the way that you're thinking (by that I mean I'm not going to be flat out profane) more offensive in the sense that I'm going to say things that you might not like. I have a lot of opinions, and they're rather strong. You may disagree, but hopefully you'll find yourself slightly entertained, maybe just a little amused, possibly just a bit aroused (that's a joke, by the way). If you're even the smallest amount intrigued, then I encourage you to continue reading. I have much, much more to say.

10/24/11

My Weekend and My Will (Updated 11/8/11)

Yes, I have returned at long last. I must admit that I missed you. And I'm sure you've all been waiting with bated breath to hear about my weekend. Well now is the time for me to tell you all that transpired!

Friday-
I worked. Afterwards Tayler, Jeffrey, and I went to Wal-Mart and bought Cheez-Itz, Pringles, and sidewalk chalk which we used to completely annihilate Jeffrey's driveway with awesome drawings.

Saturday-
I laid in bed until like 11:30 and then Tayler and I went to Noodles 'n' Company for lunch. It was delicious. Then we went to Jeffrey's and did a bunch of nothing followed by Funky's arrival which was f a lot of store visits. We went to Gamestop, then Target, then Funky's house, then Wal-Mart, then Target again, then Funky's house, then Wal-Mart again. Why so many visits? Because Funky and Jeffrey have started buying Pokemon cards again. Keep in mind that Jeffrey is days away from being twenty years old. My point, we're still awesome. No reason to grow up too fast. Pokemon still rocks by the way.

So that's the weekend. Next for the will. I am going to divvy up my properties to my friends and family in the event that I die. I would like to state in advance that this is not a real will...it is purely fictional. Okay then let's get started.

The (Fictional) Last Will and Testament of Stephen J. Allen
  • I leave my music collection to Funky, because I know that he will appreciate it. My last request to him is that he listen to every song on my iPod in order. Even the bad ones. He gets no breaks. Hopefully he can get a Guinness World Record for listening to an iPod for like ninety straight hours. I know he's always wanted to set a world record.
  • I leave my furniture to Jeffrey, assuming that he is still looking for a new bed. I'm sure he is. I also leave my Harry Potter books and my Dark Tower books to Jeff. My last wish is that he read them all, and that he at least pretend to enjoy them. After he is done he should give Harry Potter to Tayler to read.
  • I leave my Playstation 2 and my games to Jack so that he can stop complaining.
  • I leave my movies to whoever can get to them first and take what they want. If there isn't a crazy, all-out battle in my room with potential bloodshed then I'm going to haunt you all! Forever!
  • For my poster collection, I would like them to be auctioned off to my peers. Bids will start at ten dollars. All of them that aren't sold should be placed on eBay. All of the proceeds should be put toward donations to a hospital or something similar. Any place that will get a wing in the building with my name on it or a gold statue of me holding a sword.
  • There is a hollow book on my book shelf with every note Tayler has given me, I would like those to be published into a book with a foreword by Stephen King. Tell him to talk about me like we were bros in life, even though he doesn't know me. After they're published I would like the originals to be left to Tayler. 
  • I want my stereo to go to Earl, he will appreciate it I think. I would also like my parents to give him one guitar of his choice from our collection, except for the Taylor. Sorry, buddy...
  • I would like Ashley to have my Wii and my copy of Twilight Princess. (The last save file is the one that I made for you.) My last wish is that she beat it. I also leave this advice, "Never forget Hagari." 
  • I leave my books to Jana (except for Dark Tower and Harry Potter). I feel that she will get good use out of them, and that she will enjoy them sufficiently. I don't want her to read them all, but if I come back as a ghost and ask if she did, I would like her to lie and say yes. 
  • I want my clothes to be donated to Hollywood. If any of my clothes show up in any movie or TV show ever, then I will be properly honored.  
  • Finally for my remains. I wish to be cremated, but not in the normal way. I would like to be doused with lighter fluid, lit on fire, and catapulted into the sky. Then when I explode into ash on impact, my ashes shall be gathered and then sprinkled in the following locations:
    • Disneyland
    • Flaming Gorge
    • Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
    • Stephen King's house
    • Abbey Road studios
    • Mars (If technologically possible)
  • The rest of my ashes should be pressed into a vinyl record of a mix that will be found in a playlist on my iTunes with the name "Death Tunes." 
  • The rest of my stuff is up to you. Burn it if you want, or melt it down into small Stephen action figures with kung fu grip and different outfits.
  • If I think of more things to give away then I'll be back for an update.
Well, until next time,

Steve

No comments:

Post a Comment