Welcome to My Blog

As the title suggests, I will be telling stories and expressing my varying opinions. And yes, they may be offensive. Not offensive in the way that you're thinking (by that I mean I'm not going to be flat out profane) more offensive in the sense that I'm going to say things that you might not like. I have a lot of opinions, and they're rather strong. You may disagree, but hopefully you'll find yourself slightly entertained, maybe just a little amused, possibly just a bit aroused (that's a joke, by the way). If you're even the smallest amount intrigued, then I encourage you to continue reading. I have much, much more to say.

10/17/11

My Encyclationshipedia (Updated 6/13/12)

Yes, I already posted once today. But I thought that it would be helpful if I posted a legend that described all of the supporting players in my life so that I don't have to describe who they are whenever I mention them. This could feasibly be a very important post. If I ever mention someone in a future post that is on this list all you have to do is come look them up. Think of it as an Encyclopedia of my closest friends and family members. A Relationshipedia. An Encyclationship. An Encyclationshipedia.
  • Me
    • Stephen J. 
      • Me. By day I am a college student who sells housewares for money. By night I am a super hero/secret agent who fights crime by pretending it isn't there. I am the star of this particular show, if you don't know me then you're not paying enough attention. 
  • The Girl
    • Tayler
      • The most important character, the girlfriend, the love interest, my auburn-haired bombshell. She also spends her days in the collegiate world but spends her nights being freakin' awesome. She is an incredibly beautiful girl who plays the drums and dates a man who is way less than deserving of her. But I'm not complaining. She's incredibly driven and has what I like to call "the aura of ambition". This "aura" compels everyone close to her to do everything they can to be everything they can. This makes her an amazing person to have as a friend, girlfriend, family member, or acquaintance.
      • Fun fact: Hot hot hot hot hot hot.  I love her. 
  • The Bros
    • Funky
      • A man with the incredible ability to shave at dawn and grow a stunning half-beard by half-past noon. My best friend for several years. 
      • Fun Fact: His last name is Funk, he always wears a hat, he's had chest hair since 8th grade. 
    • Jeffrey
      • A man with the incredible ability to shave on Tuesday and have a little bit of scruff by the following Monday. (I jest, I have the same ability so it's not that incredible.) By day he is a professional barista, by night he does some other stuff. 
      • Best features: Good at video games, can watch an entire television series in a few days, excellent fashion sense (you should see his blue shoes).
    • Earl
      • A man who is better at guitar than he is at blogging, and better at drums than he is at guitar. By day he teaches drumline to troubled ghetto children (untrue, he teaches it to obnoxious high school students), and by night he plays guitar and occasionally breathes fire. Also known to blog from time to time. 
      • Interesting factoid: Wears a beanie regardless of the time of year, carries a guitar pick anywhere he goes, carries the nickname "Man-Whore" for some reason. 
      • Update: Earl now delivers pizza, he no longer teaches drumline. However, I can't bring myself to delete that part in his description because I love it. 
  • The Sisters
    • Not my sisters. And they're not sisters either. But they might as well be both of these things. 
    • Jana
      • A red-headed dance major with a fiery attitude and a loving spirit. She possesses the astonishing ability to be one of my best friends in the world and also be the one person I argue with more than anyone else. I love a good challenge, and Jana always provides.
      • Fun fact: Enjoys making muddy buddies, thinks Shia Lebouf is attractive, looks as good in sweat pants as she does in formal wear. 
    • Ashley
      • Although you would never expect it from this fun-loving physical therapy assistant, she doubles as the powerful ninja Hagari, whose main goal in life is to take down all evil no matter the cost. Ashley also possesses an amazing gift called a hot tub. The majority of the deep conversations had between the members of our rag tag group have taken place in this place of warm. 
      • Interesting factoid: Ashley is awesome, she makes a mean Key Lime Pie, and her little sister is almost as awesome as her. 
  • The Singing Superhero
    • Brandon (a.k.a. That Guy Who Sings Like Josh Groban, Bra, President (of Scum), and Buster Rimway)
      • Before I get into to much detail about Brandon, let me ask you a question: Have you cried lately? If not, then Brandon is your man. He may not look it, but this man has some pipes. He'll sing you a song so beautiful that you will weep. I'm not talking about a tear or two, I'm saying if you watched The Lovely Bones, Titanic, Marley and Me, The Pursuit of Happyness, Fox and the Hound, and Seven Pounds all in a row then you still wouldn't cry as much. It's like being able to see all the wonderful things in the world after being completely blind for forty years. But the great thing about Brandon is that he is also the nicest person in the world (no exaggeration), so he will wipe your tears away, figuratively.
      • Enjoyable information:  Brandon enjoys history, he has a healthy appreciation for the BeeGees, and he's the best dressed person I know (even if he didn't win it in High School, we all know it). His "relationship name" is Mallodon. 
    • I'm also a singing superhero, but I've already been in the Encyclationshipedia; I'm not so cocky that I'd put myself in here twice. 
  • Others
    • Jacob and Ty
      • These two are currently serving missions, so they most likely won't be mentioned much. When they return I will update the Encyclationshipedia to include them. For now all you need to know is that Ty is a bear/gladiator and Jacob is a kindly man with an affinity for flannel shirts and nerdy board games. 
    • Ron and Mary Ellen
      • My parents, from whom I get my superhero blood. These two rock in the kitchen, making dishes fit for kings and queens. Dad builds huge freakin' homes for a living and Mom can do anything she sets her mind to. She went from being in a high-up managerial position at a bank to teaching yoga at the university, see what I mean? 
    • Jack
      • My older brother. Although the majority of the time he features in this blog will probably be me complaining, I love my brother. We've had our differences, and still do, but we occasionally have our moments of cordiality. 
Well, I suppose that's everyone for now. There are a few others, but I'll mostly mention them in passing. If I do mention them I'll be sure to give them a good description at that time. 

Until next time,
Steve

Oh yeah,
Link to Mr. Earl

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